An ode to the athlete who never ran away!
Listening to Ben Platt’s “So Will I”, has converted me into a ball of emotion. My wedding anniversary drawing close doesn’t help. But hey, in case you assume wrong, I’m really not one for emotion. I don’t have many, and don’t express much. I’m likely to be perpetually in a focussing state, or excited state. Nothing else really makes it into my day’s expression chores.
But Ben Platt reminded me to be grateful for a constant who’s really stuck through, as he personally struggled through a lot. My first intuitive act when something or someone bothers me is to run away. I will change my number, I will go off the radar, I will switch off my phone at night so work can’t bother me, I will take time off friendships and relationships, and I will chill, on my own. My husband is nothing like that. He’s almost impermeable when it comes to struggles and things that bother him. He will respond, throw a few sticks and words at it, he will sleep, wake up, and just continue to be there. In a vastly changing world, how many predictable constants do we know? The list for me is almost zero, because everyone’s just struggling on their own, and I can’t expect them to be there for me, when their lives already are so tough. And that is extremely fair. No complaints really! My experience growing up, was that marriage is a bond for years of slavery and no one is truly happy in it.
But that’s why this man never fails to surprise or amuse me. No matter how moody I am, he will continue to shower me with kisses, no matter how broke he will continue to scroll through sites to bookmark potential clothes for his wife, no matter how bad a day he had as a cleaner he will come home and stay awake to hear his wife rant about a bunch of arseholes at work. He’s no Buddha, we all know that. He’s only human and is sometimes dramatic about me not listening attentively to one of his random stories. But what does it mean to be dramatic? To express discontent or express exactly how we feel? Why is that wrong? Isn’t the brain hardwired to think and feel? So I excuse him, and that way I can feel less guilty about being dramatic myself. Just because you’re upset, life’s not bad, and it also doesn’t mean you have to grin about it. *ALL HAIL!*
So that was mostly my year of marriage. Wake up, gruntle about heading to work, stare at the husband, make myself tea or wait for the Husband to make it for me, kiss him Goodbye, head back home, have dinner with him, tell him how bad my day went, and then FINALLY ask him how his day has been, and I get detailed responses, “GOOD. OKAY. SAME AS YESTERDAY”. The lack of detail mostly comes from his nonchalance, and how unfazed he is by little things that people do unintentionally. While I lay awake worrying about this and that person who hurt me, this boy’s just impermeable. And you have no idea, how grateful I am to have married someone unlike me.
Many expected this to be more difficult, but the only difficult bit is when I keep fussing about being productive, which he and I have learnt to live with, so obstacle galore is yet to come. But now that I am more self aware, I know very well, that he really does have the superior set of qualities and there’s a lot for me to look up to. But one thing is for certain, in all these years of Niroshi Perera wanting to run away, my very own Ben Platt has always proven that he will always be there.
“You say, what if things start changing?
I say, we’ll be changing with them
We’ll just sing a different melody
And dance at different rhythm
You say, what if I give up?
I say, that it’s one thing that I’ll never let you do
You say, what if someone leaves me
And they leave me empty-handed?
I say, losing only teaches you
To not take things for granted
No, I can’t just bring them back
But darling, I can hold your hand and promise you
That the sky will still be up there
And the sun will always shine
The stars will keep on falling
For the ones who wish at night
The mountains won’t start moving
And the rivers won’t run dry
The world will always be there
And so will I”
Sumal Ranasinghe, Thank you for this year of happiness, sadness, and mostly togetherness. I am certain I will die of cancer or some sort of incurable disease before you do, but if we do live to grow old, and you continue to be this good looking, know that girls on Instagram wouldn’t be willing to wash your poop, but I always will be. Because I love you, and you are never a burden to me!
Happy Anniversary my love!
